January 2012
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Shortest horror story ever
Moffat & Gatiss: Did we say Jan 2012 Sherlock season 2 was going to air? We meant Jan 2013
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cosmo tip #126
expertcosmotips:
catch him off guard and do something unconventional when the clock strikes twelve this new years eve. look him deep into his eyes and scream “I WAS BORN WITH TWO BUTTHOLES” at the top of your lungs. this will make him realize you’re not like other girls and he will fall deeply in love with you
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“I-It’s not like I care if you get blown up… baka!!”
– Sherlock Holmes, The Great Game (via blanketforyourshock)
December 2011
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Me: My computer was hacked
David Karp: It was missing e
Me: I'm depressed
David Karp: Must be missing e
Me: I'm pregnant
David Karp: It's missing e
Me: I'm dead
David Karp: missing e
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Hello! We've noticed you're using an internet that...
bastardfromabasket:
While we love encouraging people to access our website, the ever-ignored and persistent problems of our website need to be blamed on something. We believe that a famous service known as “the internet” is in fact to blame, and not our faulty website after all. Specifically:
We don’t really understand how things work: The internet is a really big place, and lots of things go...
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The Ultimate 2011 Year End List.
nedhepburn:
bread
eggs
1% milk
the 99% milk
post-Bridesmaids ‘funny women’ landscape (what happened to just funny people? why do both sides of the argument feel the need to segregate? men aren’t inherently funny. women aren’t inherently funny. you know whats funny? a funny person). anyway.
should’ve ended the list after the milk joke.
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a few years ago i found and saved a video of a woman giving a man a 20-minute blowjob
it is literally 20 minutes long
and it’s fucking amazing to watch
apparently it was such a good fucking blowjob that for the rest of the 35-minute video the performers and the camera man just sit around and talk about how good it was
every once in a while i dig up this video and watch it very closely...
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christianmingle:
rickperry.tumblr.com is a gay porn blog oh my god
girl: wow i seriously hate two faced people
nearby are conjoined twins, who silently weep together upon overhearing
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sunhatedginger replied to your post: I’ve decided that you remind me of a more intelligent karen from will & grace
I watched it all day today and was just like “that’s iman.” the sexuality towards everything and everyone and just asdjfmsd so funny
ahahaha i will have to watch it again and assess this comparison
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Looks like Russell Brand is the one that's getting...
acollapseddream:
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“If the election is about whether Obama is a decent person who has done his best,...”
– Columnist Reihan Salam argues that the GOP needs to make 2012 about the economy — or face defeat. (via thedailyfeed)
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sunhatedginger asked: I've decided that you remind me of a more intelligent karen from will & grace
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c0yle:
the girl who never even had the tattoo at all: directed by m. night shamylan
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i would literally give up a year of my life if it would decrease the amount of time i have to wait until i can fap again
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things i did instead of sleeping
dyed my hair dark brown
forgot to eat my chik fil a
talked to an adorable british boy on omegle for a few hours
fapped
realized my friend deleted his facebook
thought about tweeting
made a list on tumblr about the things i did instead of sleeping
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when i stub my toe or something i always shout “FUCK ME!”
because i want everyone to know that i may be hurt, but i’m still single
residouchebag:
A picture of two girls kissing: 100 notes and comments like “oh yeahhhhhh fuck that’s so hot”
A picture of two guys kidding: 1000000000 notes and comments like “ugh wow, how inspirational<3 i love gays <3 Love is love <3”
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ronaldmcfondle:
if i had a dollar for every time i used the xD face in 7th and 8th grade id buy a volcano and lunge my body into it
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vondell-swain:
making out with a girl and gradually pushing her face toward the lips of a horse that is standing right next to you
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