Just then, Randy grabbed the idol.”RANDY NO, THE TRAPS” I yelled, but it was too late. Poison-tipped darts flew into our necks. It was fast acting, I could tell, but I could make a cure if we ran fast enough. The floor crumbled beneath us as we ran, Randy sobbing the whole time. A flaming ball of snakes rolled towards us as lava seeped from every crack in the walls. We ran for what seemed like hours until we saw a light. We were safe. Almost there. Just as we exited the cave, an unreal object with no real form came out of a space that didn’t exist and showed Randy and I naked pictures of our parents having sex. “HOW IT FEELS TO CHEW 5 GUM” boomed the object. God dammit
you walk up to the checkout at staples and lay out your purchases on the counter. the cashier grabs one of your purple elmers glue sticks and twists it up far enough to gnaw off the inch of uncovered adhesive. they chew it and open another and repeat it once again. you just stand there with your wallet still open in your hands, watching a stranger eat the glue that was so close to being yours. they move onto the fourth stick. you feel so betrayed. they are gnawing on the fifth stick. you didn’t even put this much glue in the basket. they pull off the orange cap of the sixth stick. their mouth is so school-safe. you have never seen anything so non-toxic in your life. a fourth grader could sprint up to them and lick the roof of their mouth and run back home as healthy as ever. a coworker joins them and you notice the sun has gone down. neither you nor they have blinked even once.
“you have hit the boast limit” an arm comes out of your computer and pats you on the back. you dont hear it but you feel as if someone has told you “good job sport, go home and rest” in a fatherly way.
I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around invisibly for a day and saw them crying in their bed at night or singing in the shower or humming quietly to themselves as they make a sandwich or even just walking along the street. And even if they were really weird and had no friends at school, I think, after seeing them at their most vulnerable, you wouldn’t be able to help falling in love with them.
today this kid told me that he didnt crae if gays cant get married or if women cant get abortions or if poor people cant support themselves because hes white and straight and not poor so they arent his problems and that really made me cherish the fact that you dont need an iq test to vote
i would argue that the concept of sexism either toward men or women is equally disgusting but if you try to argue that men are victims of sexism just as often as women are in our society you can take your fedora and go home
my friend and i sent a lot of people some pretty pervy messages, including this one guy who gave us his number. i texted him and asked him for a pic of his kids. he sent a pic of his dick. i told him i was 17 and i think that prolly put him over the edge.